What I’ve Learned From The Real Housewives…

So I don’t hide the fact that I simply adore those insane ladies of The Real Housewives of Orange County.  I actually adore all the ladies from all of the Real Housewives, but I have a special place for Orange County because they were the first group that I loved originally. And in the few years that I have shared a living room and glass of wine with them, I have learned a few things.

Here’s my little list of lessons learned from The Real Housewives:

1.  It doesn’t matter where you buy your clothes or what label they are, if there is a shirt that has holes cut out where your shoulders are, it will always look tacky.  There is not one version of this shirt that looks attractive.  See photo below for example:

vicki shoulder dress - compressed

2.  It takes me about 3 years to go through a can of hairspray.  I have finally learned who is keeping the hair spray industry in business.  Amazing how they can work out in tight workout clothes that all match and their hair never moves.

3.  All purses must be worn on the crook of your arm – the place where you bend it. No one ever wears it actually on the shoulder – that would be so middle-class looking.  I don’t have the heart to inform them that they are actually carrying their purses the way my senior citizen grandmother used to carry hers.

4.  No one drives a minivan. I’d love to see one of these ladies driving a BMW convertible that is filled with car seats.  I’m just assuming that the children are all home schooled and never leave the house because I have yet to see a vehicle that can actually seat them.

5.  Caterers must be the people leaking stories to tabloids.  They are always at these people’s homes and must see some crazy stuff.  I’m pretty sure caterers are the secret editors and photographers for People magazine.

So after all those lessons, why do I watch it? Because for one (or maybe two, or three…) nights a week, I can put on my sweat pants, drink my glass of wine and completely be a petty, trash talking woman yelling at her television – it’s like my version of watching sports.  And that folks is a pretty fun time.

16 Comments

Comments

  1. Hilarious! I guess I’m doing SO many things wrong. I’d never make it in the OC…but I love watching them anyway. Great post!

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure there is a security checkpoint in the OC that requires a fake tan, designer purse, and a therapist on call.

  2. I’ve caught an episode here and there but never really sat down to watch on purpose. Sounds like something I’d really enjoy though!!

  3. I’m so there with you. My family thinks I’m nuts for enjoying it so much. But I too have my sweats on and a glass of wine in my hand. And it’s my little escape into the craziness that belongs, thank goodness, to those other people.

  4. I use to watch all the housewives but the last 2 seasons I have been just to busy. But Like you it is always good for a good laugh!

    Stopping by from the TGIF hop!

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      Thanks for visiting – hope you’ll stick around! And come return to the dark side – the side of Real Housewives…

  5. michelle says:

    I love all the Housewives too! It is my escape. Jersey is coming back in early June. That will be compelling television for sure!
    ps – Yea or nea on Brooks?

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      NEA!!! I’m pretty sure that guy is wanted in like 10 counties for something bad. He is sketchy. You?

  6. This is too funny…your observations are dead on!! I am not a tv watcher at all, but on Sunday nights in the summer, I cannot pry myself away from the Jersey Housewives. It’s the proverbial train wreck that you cannot take your eyes off of…I am honestly not sure how I clicked on your post, but I know that I will be coming back…funny stuff! :)

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      Hey thanks for finding us! Glad you did. Oh I love those Jersey girls. Being a New Yorker myself, I feel a bit of them all inside me at times… Scary, I know!

  7. I confess to loving the Real Housewives. Well all but Atlanta because they just drive me nuts. Orange County remains my favorite. And the glass of wine is a must :)

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      I’m so glad I’m not alone! And yes, the Atlanta ones are a bit much at times – though I’m a sucker for Phaedra – she seriously cracks me up!

  8. I watched the OC Housewives a few times, but I watched the NYC Housewives for a whole season…..that was a trip! Botox lips, and 40-year-old women dressing like 18-year-olds!

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      You basically have the entire franchise pegged – all botox and dressing half their age. Perfect!

  9. I love that it is your version of watching sports! I’ll have to use that one on my husband. He often asks me why I watch reality tv. I always tell him it makes me feel better about my life. Really, it’s nice to be so free from the drama so many people live with.

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