This past weekend, we traveled as a cute little family to Pennsylvania. We looked adorable with my 4-year-old daughter carrying her butterfly backpack, and my son strolling along in his stroller smiling. That lasted a whopping 2 minutes. Then, the trip really began.
My son tried to fling himself out of the stroller while screaming, “Mama, Mama”. My poor husband tried to balance a car seat, 2 backpacks, a stroller (and a screaming 22 month old that I was pretending didn’t belong to me) all at the same time. I’m sure I’m now going to have to force him to go to physical therapy for the back pain we all caused him.
Then came the actual plane ride. My daughter is at the perfect age for videos. I never thought I would utter the words, “Thank God for Strawberry Shortcake” but I did – often. However, in the same breath my 22 month old son was turning into the spawn of evil right before our eyes. The smiling boy in the stroller was now kicking the seat in front of him while throwing his sippy cup in an attempt to hit my head. It’s a fun game we like to call “I’m Gonna Knock Mama Out”… it’s what LL Cool J was really singing about in the 90’s…
Then, to add insult to injury, a punk of a 20-year-old sitting in front of us decides to roll his eyes at us. Oh yes, he rolled those stupid naive little eyes our way. My first instinct was to just drop our son on his lap and make a run for it so he could see what life with a toddler in a small confined area is really like. However, I didn’t do that. Oh no, I did something much worse. I laughed at him. I laughed because right now he is probably having sex with someone with perky boobs thinking that he’ll never be like us. He’s thinking that he’ll always get laid every night and surely be able to calm any baby that comes within 5 feet of him.
So I laughed. Because karma is a bitch and will take care of my revenge for me. I have no doubt that those perky boobs he enjoys will someday be filled with milk and cause them to either deflate or lose their battle with gravity.
And by the time he has that screaming, kicking kid on the plane and feeling lost and helpless, well I’ll be sitting in first class and won’t even hear him. Why yes, flight attendant, I would like a warm towel and cocktail…thank you very much.