Traveling with a 22 month old is like Dead Man Walking…

This past weekend, we traveled as a cute little family to Pennsylvania. We looked adorable with my 4-year-old daughter carrying her butterfly backpack, and my son strolling along in his stroller smiling. That lasted a whopping 2 minutes. Then, the trip really began.

My son tried to fling himself out of the stroller while screaming, “Mama, Mama”. My poor husband tried to balance a car seat, 2 backpacks, a stroller (and a screaming 22 month old that I was pretending didn’t belong to me) all at the same time. I’m sure I’m now going to have to force him to go to physical therapy for the back pain we all caused him.

Then came the actual plane ride. My daughter is at the perfect age for videos. I never thought I would utter the words, “Thank God for Strawberry Shortcake” but I did – often. However, in the same breath my 22 month old son was turning into the spawn of evil right before our eyes. The smiling boy in the stroller was now kicking the seat in front of him while throwing his sippy cup in an attempt to hit my head. It’s a fun game we like to call “I’m Gonna Knock Mama Out”… it’s what LL Cool J was really singing about in the 90’s…

Then, to add insult to injury, a punk of a 20-year-old sitting in front of us decides to roll his eyes at us. Oh yes, he rolled those stupid naive little eyes our way. My first instinct was to just drop our son on his lap and make a run for it so he could see what life with a toddler in a small confined area is really like. However, I didn’t do that. Oh no, I did something much worse. I laughed at him. I laughed because right now he is probably having sex with someone with perky boobs thinking that he’ll never be like us. He’s thinking that he’ll always get laid every night and surely be able to calm any baby that comes within 5 feet of him.

So I laughed. Because karma is a bitch and will take care of my revenge for me. I have no doubt that those perky boobs he enjoys will someday be filled with milk and cause them to either deflate or lose their battle with gravity.

And by the time he has that screaming, kicking kid on the plane and feeling lost and helpless, well I’ll be sitting in first class and won’t even hear him. Why yes, flight attendant, I would like a warm towel and cocktail…thank you very much.


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  1. Oh I’ve so been there too! Someday that 20 year old is going to be there too and then he’ll understand! That kicking the seat thing drives me nuts…their little feet are just at the perfect spot for it. It’s like they can’t help it! I remember many frustrating flights where I tried to stop my kids from doing stuff that I knew was irritating to people around me. Can’t say I miss traveling with toddlers…

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      I don’t miss traveling with toddlers either. Oh wait…crap…I still have to do it. Dammit.

  2. I would have dropped my 22 month old in his lap and had a drink–loved this!

  3. I get that look all the time especially when my kids decide to show the world how crazy they can get.

  4. I feel your pain! I was recently there with my 17-month-old. And ready to knock an idiot bystander out. People need to understand that life with toddlers is not easy and VERY loud. Always.

  5. So funny. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. I remember these ‘trips’ to H-E-L-L. In fact, some of them we call LEGEND.

  6. Before children I was on a plane with a screaming banshee (as we called them) the dad was so embarrassed he bought the whole plane a round of drinks. Fast forward 12years later and we did not buy drinks for the plane load of people that were disrupted by our children. children. Instead we said you think this is bad? We left the real terror at home!

  7. Being stared at when your kids melt down is bad enough. But to be stared at (with corresponding eye roll) by a 20 year old punk??? It was less than 2 freakin’ decades ago that he was giving his own poor mother a run for her money. How you kept from saying anything is beyond me. I would have lost it!!

  8. Haha…this was great. There are always those times when you want to do something to someone, but never do. I don’t have children yet, but I can only imagine the day when my husband and I fly/travel anywhere with them!

    Found you from the Weekend Social Blog hop! Hope you stop by!

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      Thanks for finding me – I’m headed to check out your blog now! And when you do have kids, don’t forget to past a flask for yourself. Very important.

  9. Oh sista, I can relate!! My husband refuses to travel on a plane with a 20 month and 7 month old. So instead he thought a 14 hour drive to beach was a good idea. What do you think!?! Nightmare. Hope you had a good trip other than that.

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