1. Shaving. I realize just as I’m leaving for the pool that I haven’t shaved my bikini line in a few days (which for an Italian like me makes me look like a true descendant of the apes). So what do I do? I quickly slather some soap and water and try to do a quick shave. This quick shave then leads me to look like I have herpes and experience three days of stinging pain.
2. Bras. I dream of a day when droopy boobs are all the rage and men look for the perfect woman whose boobs reach the floor.
3. Facial Hair. I’m pretty sure God thought he was hilarious when he gave women the ability to grow mustaches. Good one, God. You’re quite the comedian.
4. Fingernails. Every time I grow these babies out, I bite them in stressful moments. I look at some of my friend’s with perfectly done nails and I wonder what they bite instead of their nails when they are stressed. Would I walk into their bedroom and see their nightstand chewed up?
5. Boob sweat. What the hell is that all about? There is nothing sexier than having to lift up your boobs to wash the sweat out of the crease. Hold on honey, before I go putting on that lacy bra and panties, let me just lift up my girls and hose them down. My only hope is that hot celebrity women have the same thing happen to them. Who knows – maybe Jennifer Aniston and I are wiping our boobies at the exact same moment. Could happen, right?
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