I started thinking of things that I wish I were paid for. Here’s my current list – feel free to add your own.
1. I’d like to be paid to watch Bravo TV all day. I believe that the world needs another Andy Cohen – the stay-at-home straight mom version.
2. I’d like to be paid for the amount of steps I climb each day. It seems that I’m constantly forgetting something upstairs or downstairs. I’d like to find a program that pays me per step. I could potentially be making enough for my dream minivan after just a month.
3. I’d like to be paid for every time I respond to “Hey, Mommy?” I’d like to be paid because the response usually requires cleaning up, finding a lost item, or having to wear a princess tiara in public.
4. I’d like to be paid for every time I have to change clothes for the second time before 9 a.m. If it is due to spit up or vomit, I believe I should receive overtime pay.
5. Lastly, I’d like to get paid by the person who created Elf on a Shelf. You should be paying me because there needs to be a parent disclaimer on the box that reads, “Parents: Be Aware that this toy requires memory. You will need to not only remember to move said elf, but will also be required to find new hiding spots daily. If elf is forgotten to be moved, this could result in serious mental anguish and pain to your child.” I’m pretty sure no one would buy that little elf after that…