Separation anxiety: I think I’m being played…

So my 17 month-old son, yes the one that motorboated the waitress last weekend (click here if you didn’t hear about that one…), is experiencing some massive separation anxiety when I’m not around.  He’s fine with family members but I’ve recently realized that he transforms into a screaming maniac when left with non-family folks.  Today, however, was a game-changer.

Two weeks ago,  I went to the gym (yes, you read that correctly) and put him in the childcare room.  He screamed for fifteen minutes straight and the staff ended up calling my name over the loud speaker to come get him.  I felt horrible seeing him bawling his brains out, but I knew I had to keep at it.  This is good for him, I said.

Last week, I tried again (yes, you read that correctly, I went back to the gym).  He cried for 5 minutes then was distracted by toys and the staff.  Success!  And by success, I mean that I worked out for 20 minutes then read a magazine for 10 while pretending to bicycle.

Today, when I returned (yes, you read that correctly, I went back 3 times!!! How impressive is that??), the boy was on to my plan.  The second I dropped him off he started crying.  I stayed focus and went to the treadmill.  After briskly walking for twenty minutes while trying to figure out if I was actually skinnier than anyone there, I heard my name again on the loud speaker.  I dropped the F-bomb loudly because my head phones were on (which means that I suddenly turned 80 years old and forgot that people can actually hear me).

When I got down to the childcare room, my son was completely hyperventilating. They said he hadn’t stopped crying the entire time and now couldn’t breathe.  I held him tight, promised I would never work out again and only eat ice cream, and rocked him until he calmed down.  When I finally pulled his face from out of my snot-covered shoulder, there it was – the world’s snarkiest grin possible right there on his face.  It was at that moment it hit me.  I was played.  Played by a 17 month-old.

So game on kid.  Bring it on. I’m going to take you down.  I only wish I didn’t have to go to the gym and fake working out to do it…



  1. The child is a genius! I foretell great things for him … and many sleepless nights for his parents.

  2. The child is a genius! I foretell great things for him…and many sleepless nights for his parents!

  3. I just found you on Twitter! What a funny read….will be swinging back by for more more great mommy stories!

  4. Hilarious! Though, I know it isn’t funny when you are the parent dealing with it. My son did the exact same thing around that time. It took us several months for him to get over his “separation anxiety” and be okay with hanging out in the child area of the gym. Some days when he hasn’t napped well, he still cries when I leave him (at 2 years old!)…ugh!

  5. Saying hi from the Aloha blog hop!! Yeah your son seems to be a master of manipulation….but eventually maybe the playroom will become more alluring than driving you bananas while you are trying to work out.
    We are kindred spirits you are minivans and martinis and I am Cocktails at Naptime. What’s your favorite cocktail? I love a Ritz Martini – cognac, cointreau, champagne and orange juice

    • First of all – welcome! Second of all, I love your name! And third of all, YUM! That drink sounds awesome and now is on my must-try list! My favorite cocktail is currently the very simple, yet much needed at the end of the night, Gin and Tonic with a twist of lime. Classic, but timeless. Like Elizabeth Taylor, before Lindsay Lohan played her…

  6. Found & followed through TGIF Bloghop! :)

    Oh wow, it definitely seems like you’re being played! Guess he knows exactly what to do to bring Mommy right back to him & he sure works it!!

  7. Sounds like this is going to be a long, hard battle…

  8. I think your son has been talking to my daughter. Ella will be 2 in May, but I swear she’s got the manipulative means of a teenager. They’re lucky they’re cute, aren’t they?!!!

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