A poop in the hand is worth two in the bush…

toilet paper in the handWhile walking through Target for our fourth time this week, I overheard the most awesome parent conversation on the face of the earth. It was between a mother and her about-as-tall-as-my-thigh kid (so, like 4 years old?) – here’s how it went down.

Kid: Mommy, I think I still have some poop in my butt.

Mother: Did you wipe all the way when you went potty before we left?

Kid: I think I forgot to use toilet paper.

Mother: Uhm…sweetie… what did you use then?

Kid: Well… uhm…my hand.

Mother: Let’s stop holding hands and find the bathroom.

What’s so damn funny about that conversation is that I was holding my own daughter’s hand at the time. And you better believe I sniffed that thing immediately.

Parenting. A world full of poop and no soap in sight.



  1. Kat Juel-Guy says:

    That is the best conversation EVER!!!!

  2. That is absolutely brilliant. When my twins are Thigh High age hopefully I will remember this!

  3. Was this thigh-high kid by any chance a boy??? Because I truly cannot imagine it being a girl thinking of wiping her own butt with her hand! LOL

  4. My son frequently tells me he doesn’t have to wash his hands because he didn’t pee on them. This is MUCH worse!!

  5. I like how nicely she says “Let’s stop holding hands…”

  6. Freaking hilarious. Only because it didn’t happen to me. Then I would just find it gross.

  7. I cringed and laughed at the same time!

  8. AWESOME conversation!! Thanks so much for sharing!

  9. Hahahaha. That is so so gross! And hilarious! And what a calm mom! LOL Eeewwwww

  10. Dying laughing!!!! HAHAHA!!!!

  11. OMG, I would have been screaming and running toward the bathroom immediately!

  12. LOL, so funny! I snorted when I read the line about didn’t use any toilet paper, used hand YUCK! Been there, done that. My kids are now 16 & 18 but it brings me right back to those days when I read posts like this. XO

  13. Hahaha! Kids say the craziest things! I’ll think about this conversation ALL DAY!

  14. This is the best conversation EVER. EVER. Thank you for reminding me the yuckiness of my children is not isolated just to us and that everyone has earth-shattering, downright revolting kiddo moments.

  15. Oh my STARS that had me laughing so hard!!! SO something one of my boys would say and do! The joys of mommyhood…keeps things interesting! :)

  16. I’m crying a little on the inside because I think I’ve just read my future. I’ll be spending all my free time stocking up on Purell and wine.

  17. Eeeps!!! I like the way she said it such a calm voice!! 😀

  18. I think I’ve had the conversation with all of my kids at one point or another. Glad I’m not the only one! #typeaparent

  19. Hahahahah! Oh god that is funny! And now I know why using the cart wipes is so important…

  20. F-ing HILARIOUS! Toddlers are something else! Thank goodness for hand sanitizers and wine is all I have to say :)

  21. michelle says:


  22. Ha! Ahhhh that moment when they say stuff like that and it finally hits you that, yes, that’s exactly what they said.

  23. wiping the tears away I’m laughing so hard right now

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