When I got an email from Rachael Koenig, the blogger behind Maxisms, I felt terrible. She had just seen Flat Martini’s latest adventures to the wax museum and her post was next. A post about her taking her sons to the wax museum with Flat Martini! She asked me if I wanted her to do it over, to do something completely new. But I told her what Flat Martini once told me – every adventure is unique and different!
And I’m so glad I did because this one is awesome. You might think it’s because of the celebrity wax figures but it’s not. It’s because of the people in her life she puts in the picture. Like her adorable sons whose facial expressions seriously cracked me up. And her commentary is hilarious!
As I prepared for our visit from Flat Martini to our home right outside Washington D.C., I began to panic. Although initially I was certain I was funny and entertaining enough to be an adequate host to a laminated piece of paper, as I have read through his many adventures across the country, I worried I wouldn’t be up to snuff. For God’s sake, over the past few months, this martini has BEEN places! He’s become a cultured, sophisticated glass of vodka! He probably started off on the bottom, but he’s reached the top shelf now!
Quickly, I rethought my original hosting plan, which had included a trip to the mall and some homemade potato salad in my backyard. (Potato salad?! What was I thinking!? How offensive to a glass of vodka!) No, I obviously needed something bigger, something more fabulous…. Something with more fireworks……or explosions…… or maybe elephants….
I enlisted the aid of my entourage – my ten-year-old and five-year-old sons – and we hatched a plan to create a fitting reception for our friend that was more shaken than stirred. Where could we find a group of suitable contemporaries for Flat Martini? A crowd that was just as famous as he had now become, but also a bit two dimensional?
We found the perfect place! Madame Tussaud’s really gives you the best that celebrities have to offer – captured for posterity at the height of their popularity, with good looks, perfect hair and no political commentaries or preachy childcare advice.
We were greeted by none other than Marilyn Monroe, who in a moment of confusion, leaned over my son and tried to drink Flat Martini. Thankfully, I intervened and Marilyn only suffered a small paper cut on her tongue.
Madame Tussaud’s allowed us to introduce Flat Martini to important historical figures. Here are my kids crossing the Delaware with George Washington in search of more olives.
Here’s my son enjoying a laugh with Abraham Lincoln while watching ‘Our American Cousin’. The play was good, but I heard Lincoln gave this theater a pretty poor Yelp review….
Thomas Jefferson was so taken with our friend Flat Martini, that he insisted on writing him into the Declaration of Independence, adding to the original text with ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident that all martinis are created equal…’ which of course sparked a heated ‘gin vs vodka’ debate between John Adams and Benjamin Franklin.
I think the one thing we can ALL agree on is the unalienable right to a delicious martini.
During the revolutionary disagreement we were battling out, no one noticed that Flat Martini went missing!
Richard Nixon swore to us that he wasn’t a crook, even after we found him red-handed….. Er, actually martini-handed, I guess.
Bill Clinton was really excited to meet Flat Martini. Everything was going great until Clinton asked me if I had a cigar. Then I knew it was time to leave.
(Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve heard a Clinton joke…)
Our visit was starting to get a little too political at that point, so we introduced our flat friend to a guy who certainly LOOKS like he knows a good martini when he sees one. Hmmm…. I’m trying to decide who the best looking guy in this picture is – it’s a tough call….
Speaking of good looking guys, here’s me and Flat Martini swooning over my late night crush, Stephen Colbert.
If I were ever to have an affair, it would be with Colbert.
What I really like best about Jimmy Fallon is that he seems to be a kid at heart. He made my boys hysterical doing one of his famous impersonations – this time of Flat Martini. Isn’t he just dead on?? He looks sooo glassy-eyed and stiff….just like a martini!
We finished our star-studded visit appropriately enough, with giving Flat Martini an up close and personal examination of Jennifer Lopez’s best asset, which proved we had a great time all the way up until the END.
I really hope we showed Flat Martini a good enough time while he was here with us. Since he’s left, we’ve been hanging out with fewer celebrities as we’ve been banned from Madame Tussaud’s for life.
But, it was all worth it!Leave a Comment