While my children beat each other to a pulp in a game they called, “Who Can Tackle The Other Person From The Couch Without Causing Bleeding?” I snuck away to my computer to play a game of “I Should Be Working But I’m Checking People Magazine Online Instead.”
But it wasn’t the usual headline about Kim Kardashian’s ass or which celebrity couple is “surprisingly” breaking up that caught me eye. No, it was this headline:
Molly Sims: My Baby Has Only Cried 6 Times – Ever!
I had to read it because obviously this was a case of an editor picking a completely ridiculous headline. Like the time I read an article about breastfeeding and the headline was “Boobs or Bust.”
But unfortunately,that wasn’t the case.
It was a case of a celebrity not knowing when to just keep their mouth closed.
Molly Sims is quoted as saying, “I don’t know why, but I make calm babies. She’s probably cried six times in her whole life! I don’t know how.”
Oh girl. Oh girl. Oh girl.
You are a mother now. Without realizing it, you have been brought into a special society of women. And in this society, there are rules. Kind of like the fight club but without Brad Pitt. Though, damn, that would be some awesome mom club.
The greatest of all the rules is not to gloat.
What I mean is this. It’s awesome that your baby hardly cries. Honestly, considering your gorgeous, rich and annoyingly tall, it seems perfectly fitting that life gives you a chill-ass baby.
However, life doesn’t give everyone a baby that hardly cries. Life gives mothers colicky babies, babies with pain, babies who can’t figure out days and nights, and babies that are just plain pissed.
And how do you think those mothers feel when they read that your baby only has cried six times in her first two months of life? The mothers who are pulling their hair out, not sleeping, over-caffeinating, and basically just trying to survive.
Look, I’m not telling you to lie. Definitely don’t do that. What I am telling you is to know when NOT to say something. You are a public figure. You get asked all sorts of questions about things I can’t even imagine. But when it comes to babies, just remember that millions of moms are reading. Sometimes it is better to say nothing at all than say something that makes you look cocky and bragging.
And I like ya, girl. I have since you kicked ass on Las Vegas. So take this from one mom to another. Telling the world about your baby’s lack of crying is only going to make mothers around the world cry themselves.
Now get back to your very-silent baby and let us mothers with crying babies go back to reading about Kim Kardashian’s ass.