Teachers – Would I be able to be as courageous as them?

May 21, 2013 7 Comments

I don’t know about you, but a tragedy takes on a whole new meaning when it involves children. I’m not sure I felt it to the magnitude I do now that I’m a mother.  I was a teacher many moons ago and I often wonder if I would have had the courage that the teachers in Oklahoma City and other schools that have faced disaster have shown.  These teachers are mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, friends – they all had loved ones that count on them and look to them for support in their lives.  Yet, they put their students’ lives before their own. That is truly amazing to me.

I hope that there never comes a day where I have to be put to the test like that. There is no one to blame for acts like this tornado, but there is everyone to praise for the heroes that come out to help.

If you are looking to help, consider making a donation to the Red Cross. They are delivering hot meals throughout the affected areas. The Red Cross is also working to link loved ones in Moore who are OK through a website called Safe and Well. Text REDCROSS to 90999 to give $10 to American Red Cross Disaster Relief, donate online, or donate by phone at 1-800-RED CROSS.

Just think about your favorite teacher today and I’m guessing she or he would have done the same thing for you as those amazing teachers and workers did in Moore. I simply want to say thank you.

7 Comments
Filed Under: Life Observations Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Inside the Blogger’s Studio: The Next Step

May 20, 2013 2 Comments

the next thing - compressedWelcome The Next Step - we’re happy to have you Inside the Blogger’s Studio! This series is a way to get to know other bloggers, while also getting a glimpse into the life of a fellow parent. Who doesn’t love feeling like they aren’t the only ones going crazy?

Lori is an interesting blogger. She started the blog in 2009 then quit for awhile. She picked it up again in 2012 to help raise money for a friend fighting cancer. Since then, she’s found a great niche in blogging and an awesome funny voice to her writing. Don’t believe me – one of the titles of her post on her blog is called “How To Get Your Kid Killed at Target”.  Love it!

With that said, let the questions begin!

If you had to sum up your blog in two sentences, what would you say?

Two sentences? I could use two words: Free Therapy. I can’t find a gym or a psychiatrist who offers child care, so I blog. And eat Pop-tarts.

What thing did you do today as a parent you wish you could take back and do over?

I lose my patience and scream because the first four times my voice is at normal volume doesn’t work. There’s not much else I dwell on and wish I had done differently – I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason, not to the extent of resigning oneself to fate, but in that I try to learn from my mistakes rather than dwelling on what ifs. But I do dream about how I’ll train the Nanny when I win the lottery.

What thing did you do today that you are happiest about?

I took one of the twins to the doctor for a check-up and it was just her and me. It was so pleasant interacting with just one of my girls – and as it turns out her eating books and pretty much nothing else hasn’t stunted her growth so we’re going to keep on keepin’ on.

What is your least favorite activity to do with your children?

Play board games. The oldest is 5 ½ and not the best at focusing on when it is her turn or remembering all the rules and I’m terribly impatient with a game that is boring to begin with. The twins just take the pieces and run – which kind of gets me out of it, but then I have to go find the pieces at some point.

What is your most favorite activity to do with your children?

Nap time.  I loooove when they go down for a nap and I get a little peace and quiet. A close second would be taking them places I loved as a kid. I love to share experiences with them like going to the zoo, the aquarium, art museums, amusement parks – even just playing with stuff in the toy aisle at Target – I love when they smile that genuine smile.

When your child drives you absolutely crazy and you want to scream a curse word, which word do you wish you could say?

Wish I *could* say?  I wish I could NOT say what actually comes out. G*ddammit is very cathartic, but it’s embarrassing when it comes back at me out of my 3 year olds mouths – even if no one but me is around, I wish I hadn’t thrown that one down quite so much. Is it wrong though that I think it’s kind of funny that all 3 of my kids can finish the phrase, “son of a…”?

What’s your favorite lie you have ever told your child?

I think it’s a tie between “the store she wants to go to is closed,” and “we don’t buy things we see on TV.” Both have served me well, and she’s stopped asking for the crap-toys they hawk on the Disney channels.

At what moment did you realize that you really were grown up?

Every single day that I suppress the urge to run away, I admit that I am really a grown up now.

Blog Web Address: http://lorihokie.blogspot.com/

Facebook Address: https://www.facebook.com/TheNextStepBlog

Twitter Address: https://twitter.com/nehokie

2 Comments
Filed Under: Guest blogging, Inside the Blogger's Studio Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

The Sassy Housewife: She Thinks Her Husband Is Cheating…

May 18, 2013 1 Comment

The Sassy Housewife - compressedThis was definitely a tough one to answer this week. The latest Sassy Housewife takes on a wife who suspects her husband might be cheating. Ugh.

Come read & see if you agree or disagree with what I said… would love to have your opinion.

To read, click HERE.

 

1 Comment
Filed Under: Momaha Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Parenting Tips Learned The Hard Way…

May 16, 2013 6 Comments

- When your 4-year-old asks you why you are wearing your “pajamas” to the grocery store just when you are thinking you are looking cute in those sweatpants, it’s time to change your clothes.

- Just when you think that your 22 month old understands the word “no”,  he figures out how to unlock the front door and run naked in the front yard. It will be a glimpse into their college life that scares you.

- Try not to act mortified when your daughter tells a mom at preschool that we don’t recycle at our house because there are too many bottles to take to the recycling center. Definitely not wine or gin bottles, definitely not. Milk bottles, yeah, milk bottles.

- Don’t think your 22 month old is actually old enough to drink out of a cup without a lid. Just because he did it once doesn’t mean he can handle it. You will end up with a carpet turned white by milk that smells like a bad cow farm and a boy who looks like he lactated all over himself.

- Don’t ever, ever, ever give them your cell phone after you took a few pictures of yourself half-naked to see how you looked after working out. #1, you don’t look as good as you think and will be sorely disappointed, and #2, you will possibly scar them permanently. No child needs to see their mom in a sports bra. No child.

Hope those help save you some pain. I’m starting the therapy fund now for their future. Feel free to donate…

6 Comments
Filed Under: Family, General Parenting, Life Observations, Toddlers Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Just a CEO trying to be young again – and failing miserably…

May 15, 2013 2 Comments

momaha logoHave you heard what the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch said? Wow.

I have a theory as to why he said it. Come read about it in my latest post for Momaha.

Let’s get a discussion going about this all. Was I too harsh or right on the money? Would you still shop there? Was he right or just being an ass?

To read, click HERE

2 Comments
Filed Under: Momaha Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Walmart – The Guantanamo Bay of Omaha

May 13, 2013 11 Comments

If you have heard one horrible Walmart story, you’ve heard them all, right?  Oh….oh…you are so wrong. You haven’t heard this one, and I promise, it’s worth sticking around for.

So my husband has started a bocce league here in Omaha. For those of you who don’t know, that’s how the hubby and I met in DC.  You can actually read the story here. So the league in Omaha is about to begin and we have to order a bunch of supplies – including small orange cones. Walmart had the best deal so we did the Site to Store deal-e-o.

So I bring my 4 and almost 2-year-old with me because I naively think this will only take 5 minutes to pick up. However, what I didn’t realize was that there is a secret vortex when you walk into Walmart that sucks you into a massively disorganized time trap. What started as a 5 minute trip ended with a one hour experience from hell.

First, it took 10 minutes for an employee to come answer the page to the desk (I’m guessing they were smoking outside where it seems every employee was). Then, it took 10 minutes to find the package.  (I’m frightened if they ever had to learn the dewey decimal system…) Then, when they opened to check the quantity….guess what?  IT WAS EMPTY! Yep, a completely empty box. Now here’s the kicker. I ran out of snacks at this point. I’m stuck in the department store for the undead with a toddler and preschooler and I have no snacks. Plus, I had to stay with the manager who was calling Flo (yes, that was really her name.  I, too, imagined the girl from Progressive on the other end of the phone…) to get authorization to resend package.

So finally we get authorization and I’m thinking we are done, and what happens? The manager needs to call another number for FINAL authorization. I’m sorry, is there such a thing as double authorization? Isn’t one yes enough? Geez, this guy needs constant reaffirmation.

Now, while we wait for double authorization (insert eye rolling here), my children have now screamed their way out of the cart and are loose. Attention Walmart shoppers, my pissed off kids are loose and should be treated as dangerous creatures. They have now been in Walmart for over 45 minutes and are ready to run wild. I corral them near the books area and they proceed to nicely sit down and read some books. Ah, how pleasant and calm.

Just as final authorization is complete,  new cones have been ordered, and I’m ready to run a 50 yard sprint out the door, my son brings up a Micky Mouse coloring book. He has successfully ripped out at least 10 pages that are spread across the floor of the aisle. It almost looks like a wedding aisle of petals, except this one has Mickey Mouse’s head cut in half and Minnie’s legs on different sides of the walkway. Then, the part of the story that truly sealed the deal of absolute disdain and hatred for this experience, the manager looks at my son holding the torn up $1 coloring book and says, “You’re going to pay for that, right?”

I had no words. Yes, I’m telling you the truth. Me, the girl with a mouth the size of Texas, had no words. I dropped $1 on the counter and left. I did, however, get a shining moment of revenge when my daughter said loud enough for everyone to hear, “Mommy, I just tooted right next to that man and it was really smelly, I’m sorry.”  No need for apologies my girl, no need at all. I just wish I had thought to do that myself.

11 Comments
Filed Under: Life Observations, The Things Kids Say, Toddlers Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

For My Mom…

May 12, 2013 4 Comments

mom and me - compressed
Mommy bloggers live for Mother’s Day. There are hilarious posts out there right now about the worst gifts you can give a mother, or sentimental posts about the sappy cards their children made for them. However, I’m not going to be one of those bloggers today. Don’t get me wrong, my children did make me adorable, wonderful cards with animals that are finally recognizable. (There are only so many times you can say, “Sweetie, how about YOU name the things in this picture?”) And I love them more than I could ever express in a blog. But today is different. Today is the first Mother’s Day without my grandmother. But harder than that, it’s the first mother’s day for my mother without her own mother.

So I thought I would do something different today. I would take a break from my snarky sarcastic view of the world and write a letter to my mother.

Dear Mom,

I love to tell people the story of how after your father died, you told your mother that she could live with you and Dad. Especially because you and Dad had only been married 5 years at that time. I love telling people the math on that – that you lived with your mother for over fifty years.

And you always took care of her. From teaching her how to use a television remote (that really blew her mind) to showing her how not to set off the house alarm each time she left (she never really grasped that one). Then, when she got ill, you never left her side. You showed her grace and dignity and let her pass knowing that she was loved and cared for completely. I can’t imagine that kind of strength.

And I want you to know that you have taught me that strength. You have taught me how to appreciate the moments where we sit together drinking tea, or when we squish ourselves into dressing rooms just so we can help each other and laugh at some of our choices together. I am proud to be your daughter. I am proud that I have a mother who I had the chance to watch graduate college, have an amazing teaching career and have students still tell her how much they loved having her as a teacher. I know that if I have half the determination that you have had in life, I’ll be a success.

Thank you for loving me, my husband and our children. I can imagine that today will have its tough moments, but please know that there is no doubt that she is sipping tea up in heaven looking down at us and smiling. Plus, I’m betting that she is eating some of your Christmas cookies while she is doing it. She snuck enough of those from you to last a lifetime…

Happy Mother’s Day Mom. I love you.

Love,

Your favorite child (sorry, couldn’t resist…)

4 Comments
Filed Under: Family Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Sassy Housewife – Prayer at Playdates???

May 11, 2013 Leave a Comment

The Sassy Housewife - compressedThis week’s The Sassy Housewife was a touchy one – Religion.

A mother’s daughter was asked to pray on a play date before a meal. Wrong? Right? Before you answer, come read and see what you think, you might change your first reaction after reading.

I’d love to hear your advice – comment at end of post!

To read, click HERE

 

Leave a Comment
Filed Under: Momaha Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

The Huffington Post: Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

May 10, 2013 3 Comments

HuffingtonPost-Logo - compressedWe all have things we wish we could say to our younger self. I decided to write to my 16-year-old self – she was in serious need of a talking-to. However, being the stubborn teenager that I was, I’m sure I wouldn’t have listened… do we ever??

Originally a post I wrote for Blogger Idol, it’s now being featured on The Huffington Post. Come read and share what you would tell yourself from back then…

To read, click HERE

3 Comments
Filed Under: The Huffington Post Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

My Week of Observing Cartoons – They Are Seriously Messed Up, Folks…

May 9, 2013 21 Comments

docKeyPoses_thinking_239_400_c1 - compressedSo this week, I decided to take a keen, sarcastic look into the cartoons my children watch. Normally, I use their tv time as a way to cook, check email, or read the latest celebrity insanity on People.com. However, this week, I decided to watch these cartoons and see what kind of observations I could make. I posted some of these observations on Facebook, but have expanded the list here. Here’s what I came up with.

1. Donald Duck is really a dick. Why do they hang out with that guy? And Minnie needs to slap some sense into Daisy – girl, you need to find yourself another duck who you could actually understand when they speak. Does anyone understand that damn duck? Who came up with the idea to have a cartoon character that slurs and is inaudible.

2. Handy Manny is really that middle-aged guy who smoked a lot of dope when he was younger and thinks his tools are talking to him. Think about it – he wears the same grungy trucker hat every day, sings songs by himself, and carries around a toolbox filled with imaginary friends. I’m guessing he hung out in the corner of a fraternity house in college tipping his hat to the ladies and saying, “Hola chickas…” while eating Cheetos uncontrollably.

3.  Doc McStuffin’s head is HUGE. Like seriously, seriously HUGE. I’m thinking she might want to skip the toys and go right to self-diagnosis. Is Head-A-Tosis something for the Big Book of Boo-Boo’s??

4. Thomas the Tank Engine trains are mean. And you should always be suspect of a kids show that is voiced by the likes of Alec Baldwin, George Carlin and Ringo Star.

5. When is Max going to start using sentences? Ruby and Max are obviously orphaned and the state hasn’t figured out that Ruby is doing all the work. Though, she doesn’t really seem to be the smartest tool in the shed because she can never find him. I’m assuming that child protective services will be involved shortly…

So there you have it. I’m letting my kids watch some seriously insane stuff. I have this vision in my head of what production meetings must be like for cartoon design. Do they say things like, “No, no, Doc McStuffin’s head should be even larger…it’s not big enough…” I’d love to be a fly on the wall for those conversations.

Ah well, my kids don’t seem too screwed up from watching them. At least not yet. Let’s see what happens when they start watching more of Yo Gabba Gabba… that’ll really push them into the world of hallucinating drugs…

 

 

(image from http://www.brownbagfilms.com)

21 Comments
Filed Under: General Parenting, Kids TV, Life Observations, Toddlers Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Traveling with a 22 month old is like Dead Man Walking…

May 7, 2013 14 Comments

This past weekend, we traveled as a cute little family to Pennsylvania. We looked adorable with my 4-year-old daughter carrying her butterfly backpack, and my son strolling along in his stroller smiling. That lasted a whopping 2 minutes. Then, the trip really began.

My son tried to fling himself out of the stroller while screaming, “Mama, Mama”. My poor husband tried to balance a car seat, 2 backpacks, a stroller (and a screaming 22 month old that I was pretending didn’t belong to me) all at the same time. I’m sure I’m now going to have to force him to go to physical therapy for the back pain we all caused him.

Then came the actual plane ride. My daughter is at the perfect age for videos. I never thought I would utter the words, “Thank God for Strawberry Shortcake” but I did – often. However, in the same breath my 22 month old son was turning into the spawn of evil right before our eyes. The smiling boy in the stroller was now kicking the seat in front of him while throwing his sippy cup in an attempt to hit my head. It’s a fun game we like to call “I’m Gonna Knock Mama Out”… it’s what LL Cool J was really singing about in the 90′s…

Then, to add insult to injury, a punk of a 20-year-old sitting in front of us decides to roll his eyes at us. Oh yes, he rolled those stupid naive little eyes our way. My first instinct was to just drop our son on his lap and make a run for it so he could see what life with a toddler in a small confined area is really like. However, I didn’t do that. Oh no, I did something much worse. I laughed at him. I laughed because right now he is probably having sex with someone with perky boobs thinking that he’ll never be like us. He’s thinking that he’ll always get laid every night and surely be able to calm any baby that comes within 5 feet of him.

So I laughed. Because karma is a bitch and will take care of my revenge for me. I have no doubt that those perky boobs he enjoys will someday be filled with milk and cause them to either deflate or lose their battle with gravity.

And by the time he has that screaming, kicking kid on the plane and feeling lost and helpless, well I’ll be sitting in first class and won’t even hear him. Why yes, flight attendant, I would like a warm towel and cocktail…thank you very much.

 

(image from http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/03/toddler-kicked-off-plane-not-the-first/)

14 Comments
Filed Under: Baby Life, Family, General Parenting, Toddlers Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Inside the Blogger’s Studio: Let Me Start By Saying

May 6, 2013 22 Comments

LMSBS blog button NEW 2013 2592x2592 - compressedWelcome Let Me Start By Saying - we’re happy to have you Inside the Blogger’s Studio! This series is a way to get to know other bloggers, while also getting a glimpse into the life of a fellow parent. Who doesn’t love feeling like they aren’t the only ones going crazy?

I believe the name of her blog says it all – she says what we all are thinking! She’s hilarious, true, inappropriate, and a blogger I truly adore. She’s been featured everywhere (The Huffington Post, Mamalode, BlogHer and get this – even The Dr. Oz Show!)  so I feel honored to have her here.  Add her to your blogroll, you won’t be sorry.

With that said, let the questions begin!

If you had to sum up your blog in two sentences, what would you say?

Being a mom, wife, and writer would be easier if Life would stop chucking things at my head. Like lemons…and poop.

What thing did you do today as a parent you wish you could take back and do over?

Rush through bedtime. We were all so tired and cranky (especially me), so I expedited the hezzle out of it tonight. I even clapped and declared “This bedtime is being expedited!” Not exactly the thing that sweet memories are made of.

What thing did you do today that you are happiest about?

Helped my 6yo daughter learn to hula hoop, as I learned alongside her. Then she escalated to doing 2 hoops at once. It was awesome. Not as awesome as my abs will look tomorrow after all that hula-hoping I did, but still pretty awesome.

What is your least favorite activity to do with your children?

Really really loud birthday party places for their friends’ parties. The flashier the lights, the more I want to throw the gift at the birthday child’s parents’ heads.

What is your most favorite activity to do with your children?

Eating cotton candy at amusement parks. Offspring at the Best Excuse EVER for getting away with stuff like sugar-binging.

When your child drives you absolutely crazy and you want to scream a curse word, which word do you wish you could say?

“Christ on a cracker!” Very wrong on all accounts.

What’s your favorite lie you have ever told your child?

“There’s no Chuck E Cheese’s in New Jersey.” This one worked for YEARS. My mom lives 3 hours away, and we go to the one near her when we visit, so they thought that was the closest one…up until we went to my daughter’s BFF’s party at a Chuck E Cheese in – wait for it! – New Jersey. Dammit.

At what moment did you realize that you really were grown up?

We had a kid to take into account when doing our taxes in 2005. CRAZY. Once the IRS knows you’ve popped a puppy out, there’s no going back.

Blog Web Address: http://letmestartbysayingblog.com/

Facebook Address: https://www.facebook.com/LetMeStartBySayingBlog

Twitter Address: https://twitter.com/LetMeStart

22 Comments
Filed Under: Guest blogging, Inside the Blogger's Studio Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What my daughter told the Target store cashier…

May 1, 2013 24 Comments

My 4 year-old daughter just told the cashier at Target, who is African-American, that she is black like her. Yeah, I kid you not. (Please note, my daughter is actually pasty pasty white – like one of those skin colors that you think desperately needs a tan.) So why did she say that?  Well she decided to color marker all over her body and her color choice for her arm was black. She thought that it would be awesome to let the cashier know that they had something in common – their skin color.

Lucky for me, the cashier loved it. She put out her arm and they compared their two colors. It was extremely kind of that woman and you better believe that I’m going to go back and get a Target credit card from her next time she asks…. Ok, that’s probably not true because those cards are deadly and I’ll end up buying fancy hair products that don’t work just to save that whopping %5, but I will definitely be making her my favorite cashier. That is until my daughter colors her arm orange and we’ll have to try to find one of those teenage cashiers that over uses fake tanning sprays…

24 Comments
Filed Under: Family, General Parenting, The Things Kids Say Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Farrah Abraham – I have a few words for you…

April 30, 2013 3 Comments

farrah - compressedSo Farrah Abraham, from MTV’s “Teen Mom” recently admitted to doing a porn with adult film star James Deen and selling it to Vivid Entertainment for $1 million. I had a few words I couldn’t keep to myself about this all.  So what did I do with all those words?  Of course I used them to write my weekly Momaha post.

My husband says it’s a bit harsh but true.  Come check it out for yourself and decide.  I’d love to have you share your thoughts at the end of the Momaha post. Tell me what you think.

To read, click HERE.

3 Comments
Filed Under: Momaha Tagged With: , , , , ,

Just tell them what to do…

April 29, 2013 15 Comments

I find it interesting that children love to pretend to have jobs that they would probably hate as adults. Take for example, my daughter. She currently can’t stop pretending to be a waitress. She actually asks  me to boss her around and tell her what to do. Keep in mind, when I do this as a mother, she isn’t a big fan. However, when I’m acting as a customer, then suddenly that girl has the patience of a saint.

And then there’s my son. He loves to clean. He wants to sweep, wash windows, empty the dishwasher – everything a housewife/housekeeper hates to do. However, I have no doubt that in about fifteen years I’ll have to hold my nose when I visit his college dorm room and probably have to invest in a hazmat suit just for Parents Weekend.

So I tried to get my daughter to play a new game the other day. I said, “Let’s pretend to be teachers!”  Her reply, “Ok, you be the teacher and I’ll be the student – tell me what to do and give me schoolwork to finish.”

So I started thinking. And it hit me. Maybe waitresses, housekeepers, teachers and every other occupation really aren’t that different. Someone is always telling us what to do, aren’t they? Geez, at least with waitressing you make tips… It would be awesome if someone showed up at my door with cash after I finished vacuuming and making dinner and said, “Looks great, keep the change.”

Ah well. At least I still get to tell my kids what to do…even if it is just pretend.

15 Comments
Filed Under: Family, General Parenting, Toddlers Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
«Older Posts
Newer Posts»