So when I was pregnant with my first child, I had sex dreams about Bret Michaels from Poison. I thought, at the time, that it was simply a result of my hormones being thrown around like kernels in a popcorn popping machine.
However, since those dreams ceased, I have realized that perhaps I have slightly dirty and often confusing taste in celebrity men.
This is highly amusing considering that my husband is very clean cut, normal and not in need of any type of mental therapy (unless there is a therapy program for putting dirty laundry actually inside the hamper).
However, my celebrity crushes are the complete opposite.
In my defense, his celebrity crushes are all Latina women and considering that I can only say “Donde esta el bano?” I think we are safe to say his tastes also tend to go to the opposite of each other.
So who is in my naughty celebrity hot tub?
1. Pitbull. I realize that he is short, bald, high pants and I have no clue what his eyes look like because he’s always wearing sunglasses, but damn I’m a sucker for that little shrimp.
2. Kid Rock. Now wait, before you go getting vomit all in your mouth, let me explain. Wait. Actually, I have no explanation. In normal circumstances I despise white tight tank tops on men but in his instance, I find myself wanting to spill cheap beer all over his.
3. Seth Rogan. You need someone funny in the hot tub, right? You can’t just have dirty, horny men in there. Someone has to tell some damn jokes.
4. 50 Cent. This guy knows moves that ever porn stars can’t figure out. The first time I listened to “Candy Shop” I remember feeling like lollipops would never look the same again.
5. Eminem. Okay, maybe I have a bit of an affinity for rappers. It’s probably because I can’t even figure out a word to rhyme with lion when my kids ask me. But he is that flawed, bruised from love kind of guy. And you know, like Marvin Gaye said, “I got that special healing”….
So yeah, it seems like I’m a freak in hot-tub land. So I gotta ask – who is in your naughty hot tub? Come on, don’t leave me hanging out here in this STD-filled jacuzzi…21 Comments