So this week, I decided to take a keen, sarcastic look into the cartoons my children watch. Normally, I use their tv time as a way to cook, check email, or read the latest celebrity insanity on People.com. However, this week, I decided to watch these cartoons and see what kind of observations I could make. I posted some of these observations on Facebook, but have expanded the list here. Here’s what I came up with.
1. Donald Duck is really a dick. Why do they hang out with that guy? And Minnie needs to slap some sense into Daisy – girl, you need to find yourself another duck who you could actually understand when they speak. Does anyone understand that damn duck? Who came up with the idea to have a cartoon character that slurs and is inaudible.
2. Handy Manny is really that middle-aged guy who smoked a lot of dope when he was younger and thinks his tools are talking to him. Think about it – he wears the same grungy trucker hat every day, sings songs by himself, and carries around a toolbox filled with imaginary friends. I’m guessing he hung out in the corner of a fraternity house in college tipping his hat to the ladies and saying, “Hola chickas…” while eating Cheetos uncontrollably.
3. Doc McStuffin’s head is HUGE. Like seriously, seriously HUGE. I’m thinking she might want to skip the toys and go right to self-diagnosis. Is Head-A-Tosis something for the Big Book of Boo-Boo’s??
4. Thomas the Tank Engine trains are mean. And you should always be suspect of a kids show that is voiced by the likes of Alec Baldwin, George Carlin and Ringo Star.
5. When is Max going to start using sentences? Ruby and Max are obviously orphaned and the state hasn’t figured out that Ruby is doing all the work. Though, she doesn’t really seem to be the smartest tool in the shed because she can never find him. I’m assuming that child protective services will be involved shortly…
So there you have it. I’m letting my kids watch some seriously insane stuff. I have this vision in my head of what production meetings must be like for cartoon design. Do they say things like, “No, no, Doc McStuffin’s head should be even larger…it’s not big enough…” I’d love to be a fly on the wall for those conversations.
Ah well, my kids don’t seem too screwed up from watching them. At least not yet. Let’s see what happens when they start watching more of Yo Gabba Gabba… that’ll really push them into the world of hallucinating drugs…
(image from http://www.brownbagfilms.com)23 Comments