My son – The Beaver

When my daughter was teething, she started to bite the top rail of the crib. When we said, “NO!” in a strong voice, she was done. Never did it again.  And for the past few years, we smiled when we saw those few cute bite marks on the crib and remembered that one funny moment.

Now, those days are done. My 22 month old son uses that same crib and has taken his beaver impression to an entirely new level. Don’t believe me? Check out what has become of those few little bite marks.

crib - compressed

So I’m thinking that either he’s going to have horrible indigestion where he pukes brown paint chips or he ate so much wood that he’s literally going to poop out a Lincoln log.

I’ve decided that since my girl didn’t do this, that it must be a boy thing.  This has led me to a theory.

My theory is that penises are actually where idiotic decisions are stored. That’s why the part has to be bigger than the other parts of the body – because there are a plethora of idiotic decisions to be made by a man.

No, no, I’m not male-bashing. I’m simply offering a scientific explanation for why my son thought it was a genius idea to ingest half of his crib. Heck, maybe he really is hoping to poop out some Lincoln logs. In that case, he might be brilliant and my entire theory will have been debunked. Where are Myth Busters when you need them???

16 Comments

Comments

  1. You always crack me up. I am doomed living with 3 sons and a husband. I can appreciate your theory. You never know when they’ll put out a not-so-wise decision :)

  2. Hah! Poop a lincoln log. I love reading boy stories.. I have 3 girls so the boy thing is as foreign to me as China.

  3. As the mother of two sons and one daughter I must agree! My boys have done things that my daughter never would have dreamed of, such as: throwing rocks at cars, climbing onto the roof of an abandoned one-story house, scooping up muddy rain water and tossing it on strangers walking by…the list goes on and on.

  4. Jesseca says:

    I concur 100%. My twin nephews did the same thing. My jaw dropped when I saw the aftermath of their cribs. There was literally no finish left on the rails. My daughter? Never did it. It can’t taste good, right? So wtf??!!

  5. I live in opposite world then… my daughter is the one who likes to do stuff we don’t understand… like licking under shoes and kissing the floor. My son is a germophobe and he walks on tippy-toes… I am watching him for asperger’s syndrome markers…

  6. You made me snort wine. Thanks for that! I was wondering where you were going with the Lincoln log reference. Since Mythbusters is headed by two crazy men, I don’t see them taking on your challenge

  7. Dude, you should see my son’s crib. SAME DAMN THING. I’m waiting to see what this little girl does… although with the way she is right now at 5months, she’ll say EFF chewing on it, I’m just going to climb out of it…

  8. My son does that too! Doesn’t he know it would be faster to just climb out than to chew his way out. Son #2 may not have a crib left by the time he gets here! Love the line “penises are actually where all idiotic decisions are stored.” Bwahaha!

  9. My daughter did that to all four sides of her crib. I even got the plastic covers for the crib rails — she figured out how to take them off and kept on gnawing!
    Guess she wanted to make sure that no one else would ever want her crib!

  10. That’s hilarious! I have boy/girl twins, now 13, so somedays I wish they would “chew” on something and keep their bickering to themselves. I love the part about storing up the idiotic decisions!

  11. I never thought about that, but it makes PERFECT sense!

  12. It really is a ‘guy’ thing. And I’m SURE the penis has something to do with it- it always does.

  13. If it has tires or testicles it’s gonna be trouble! Bwahaha.

    Hilarious post! I’m laughing my butt off at the Lincoln log possiblity.

  14. My daughter never once tried to chew on her crib. My son is 16 months old and so far he hasn’t, but I’m thinking it’s a matter of time!
    I have to agree with you about the storage of idiotic decisions. My mom says that all men have a recessive “S” gene…the Stupid gene. I keep expecting more from the male species and I’m not really sure why…maybe I’m actually the stupid one.
    I can’t say any of this about my son yet, he’s still a sweet and seemingly smart little boy…I fear for his future.
    Here from SITS Sharefest

  15. Ha ha! A very funny story and your remarks were great as well :) Indeed. Where are the myth busters when you need them?

  16. LOL! Hillarious! Boys really are different creatures. It often amazes me the way my son thinks

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