My Disney Experience…

So did you think Walt Disney imagined creating a place where parents would come home from visiting it and need another vacation to recuperate?

Holy mackeroli – I’m exhausted.

Going to Disney World is truly an acrobatic experience. You are balancing ten thousand things all at the same time, while praying your kid doesn’t have a meltdown or worse yet, ask for another snack.

You vigorously adjust Fast Pass selections while maneuvering your larger than life stroller around people eating turkey legs with their bare hands. And you curse the day that you told the kids you would go on the Mad Hatter Tea Cups with them.

But then, you stop. And you look up and see Cinderella’s castle and then look over at your daughter.

And it is all worth it.

It was an incredible experience to see how much joy she got from hugging a princess. To see how excited she was if she spotted one to sign her autograph book. I loved seeing her thrill when she tried a new ride or holding her tight when she felt nervous.

And each night, I would pass out in bed harder than I did on my 21st birthday after singing “Like a Virgin” on a cocktail table.

If you follow me on Facebook, I posted a nightly update of my observations from Disney World. Here’s a few highlights:

Observations about Walt Disney World

1. There is truly nothing better than watching your 5 year old daughter meet princesses for the first time.

2. There is truly nothing better than watching your 2 year old son check out the boobs of every princess.

3. Fast Pass is the way Disney tells regular wait-in-line people F.U. in the most magical way possible. It┬ámakes me feel guilty yet also have a strong desire to say “Suck it suckers” as I walk by the sweating guest waiting in line.

4. Whoever recommended the Mohito slushie in Epcot should be given the highest award freakin’ possible. Brilliant.

5. River Rapids is a ride that makes people participate in wet T-shirt contests that should absolutely not be in wet T-shirt contests. Myself included. I apologize to all the eyes that walked by me and had to see that view. I wished my shirt said “I had two kids – do not look directly into the chest.”

6. There should be a service that is offered at 2 pm in the Magic Kingdom for all parents who have a toddler peacing out. The person would come, take them out of your arms, hand you a beer and then walk away with your child. They would return them two hours later with a happy kid and a trash can for your empties.

7. I should have paid attention in Geography class because I have no clue how to answer any of the questions my daughter asks me about the countries in Epcot. I just keep telling her to google it and eat more croissant.

8. You realize what a truly horrible person you can be when someone cuts in front of you and you start saying, “Hey, what the heck? We’ve been waiting here for 40 minutes” – only for them to tell you that they are the kid in front of you’s mother and she’s bringing him his inhaler. Awesome. I’m quite a role model for my kid at that moment.

As for pictures – here’s a few of my favorites…


It seems that meeting Mary Poppins gives my daughter a wedgie…



My son truly appreciated Jasmine’s “magical gifts”…



We waited on the longest line to meet Woody & Jessie for my son who adores them, only for him to not give a crap because he couldn’t stop looking at the guy next in line who was eating the ice cream he wanted.



What happens when you don’t buy him the ice cream and he screams bloody murder for twenty minutes until he falls asleep and everyone walking by comments how cute he is. FU guy in line eating ice cream. FU.



But just when you are ready to lose your mind and jump into the creek with Tick Tock the crocodile, this happens. She finds Belle and there’s no line. Now THAT is truly magical.





  1. Disney really is a magical place for children. A few perfect moments and you forget the stress. I have to say, ALL of the men in my group enjoyed the photo with Jasmine:)

  2. Finding Belle with no line truly is magical!!

  3. One of the funniest reviews from a parent of Disney that I’ve ever read. And yes all of the stress, your kids give you those goose bump moments…except it’s too hot to feel them.

  4. Mojito slushies and no line for Belle? That is the best trip ever!

  5. Belle?! That’s truly magical indeed. We chased that beotch all over EPCOT and still didn’t get to meet her there. We had to wait in line for an hour at MK for a brief and life-scarring encounter during Enchanted Tales with Belle.
    I’m a Disney parks veteran. My grandparents live in Orlando so I was lucky enough to visit every year from the time I was 7 clear into adulthood. My hubby and I even honeymooned there. But, BUT in 2012 was the first time we attempted to go with the kids. And it was horrible, horrible, horrible.
    My hubby is planning another family trip for next year but I keep telling them they can go without me because, no thank you! I made a video of just a few of the awful highlights of that Disney trip (it’s linked to my name above)…seriously that was only about half of what sucked about it :/
    I love Disney, but Disney with the kids…please poke out my eyes with Mary Poppins’ parrot umbrella!

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