Why my breasts hate summer…

tank-top-martinis-and-minivansAt night when I close my eyes and rest from the day, I’m reminded of how old I am by the way my breasts fall over the edges of my body. Gone are the two glorious mountains that once stood tall. They’ve been replaced by a massive ravine with two drooping boulders falling off cliffs.

And when I wake up in the morning and wipe the boob sweat from below them that formed during my never-fully-rested slumber, I am reminded of why my breasts hate summer.

It is because of two words. Two little words that have haunted me for most of my adult life.

Spaghetti straps.

Oh how I loathe that my size D boobs can’t enjoy the world of spaghetti straps. Well, they could, but then I’d have folks asking me why I’ve traded in my career as a writer to become a porn star.

I look longingly at those maxi dresses with adorable skinny straps with such severe jealousy. And then I look down and see the thickness that covers my shoulder. The dreaded tank top. The one that tells the world that you’ve lost the fight against your breasts and you need the support.

I hate telling the world that I need support. I don’t understand if the rest of me can be an independent feminist, why can’t my boobs?




  1. I’ve reached a point where I hate my boobs. My husband doesn’t get it (what husband does?) but I just feel like they look like deflated tube socks. A good bra does help but I stil don’t like them. And tank tops? Spaghetti straps? Oh hell no. Not. Happening.

  2. hahaha so funny!! I have the opposite problem, my boobs are disappearing before my eyes!! My bras keep getting smaller and smaller as they deflate. :(

  3. Ladybrinx says:

    LOL I understand from one size D to another, why can’t they make them damn straps out of stronger stuff? Like Kevlar or Titanium or something? DUH us girls want to wear them too…and not have our boobs dangling around our belly button.

  4. Christine says:

    I keep hearing that urban legend about those miraculous strapless bras that will hold up big, real boobs. But as any urban legend goes, no one actually sees them, they just hear about them. So if someone is lucky enough to find one, please share and then maybe there will be “spaghetti strap” or dare I say “STRAPLESS” hope for the rest of us!

  5. All boobies need support, and Christine’s got it right. Supportive strapless bras are a legend! I also have the deflating boobie problem … sigh. But still can’t manage to find a strapless bra that will hold my dwindling c cup boobies in a reasonable position. On the other hand, my sister has like a G cup and orders her bras from some company in England. They actually hold those puppies up without seat belt sized straps and she is comfortable wearing spaghetti straps in the summer.

  6. A sense of humor can be very up lifting! You will probably get a kick out of my daughter, Sarah’s, blog! http://smilescurlsandbaby.com/2014/04/21/aint-nothin-but-a-g-thang-baby/

  7. I’m saddened by how much I relate to this post. Spaghetti straps just aren’t going to happen for me. It’s a sad, sad reality.

    Thanks for making me giggle… and cry.

  8. After spending the first 20 years of my adult life lamenting my small breasts, now that I’m nearly 47 and gravity is making it’s presence known, I’m grateful for what I haven’t got!

  9. No, no, no. You’ve got it all wrong, girl. Embrace the prettiest bras, colourful and lacy and wear the spag-strap dresses on top. Bra-showing is a great look – I’m an F-cup (F=DDD) who has NEVER passed the pencil test and at fifty-two I’m going to wear what I want. You should too!

  10. I hate my boobs for the exact opposite reason. Spaghetti straps, plunging, V-neck, you name it, they do nothing to expose my imaginary cleavage. Just not there. If there’s an A- size, that’s me. Pffft.

  11. The up side is that you will never be persuaded to wear a tube top or strapless dress and suffer exposure!

  12. I’ve got pretty small boobs. My MIL likes to point that out a lot. While I’m irritated by her, I’ll be thankful to you for showing me something to be thankful for (spaghetti straps). Does that make you feel better that you made others feel better? I tried…

  13. I used to always walk around the house without a bra. Now I can’t even bear to look at myself that way, much less let my husband see me like that! I have fond memories of perky boobs from my teen years. *sigh*

  14. Ha! This reminds of tube tops! Remember those! Large girls looked like they had one big boob! What if we wore them now, post kids! May your boobs find coolness this summer!

  15. You should rock spaghetti straps – I am a D and I wear them…although now I need to run home and see if I look like a porn star?!

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