A Letter To Kim Kardashian

kim k - compressedDearest Kim,

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I’m sure you have gotten many letters and gifts from fans to say congratulations, and that’s wonderful. But today, I’m writing to you as a mother who needs to tell you something. This might be hard to hear, and you might hate me for it and not want to believe me, but I’m telling you it to save you.You are going down a slippery slope and it’s time you hear the truth. Ready? I’m just going to say it and not pussyfoot around. Here it is.

Girl, you need to wear some maternity clothes.

Whew, there I said it. I feel better already. Now, I know that probably hurt to hear. You are looking in the mirror saying things like, “But this is Dior!” or “People love to see my skin”  And yes, that’s true, the men in the world have loved to see your skin. However, not the skin that is growing large and pressed against black mesh in an attempt to be sexy. And sweetie, sports bras are supposed to support your girls, not make a nip slip a very large possibility.

I understand that you are excited to show off your growing baby, and that’s wonderful. There is a world of ridiculously expensive maternity clothes that you can shop while saying, “OMG!” then typing something into your Blackberry and ignoring whoever you are with. But I think it is time that you put the size 4 clothes that you squished yourself into prior to pregnancy back in the closet for now. Trust me, they’ll be happier in there as well. They have to be exhausted from all that stretching.

Once again, my congratulations.


Your not-so-loyal or nice, but looking out for your best interest, fan




  1. Oh thank you! I swear if she wears one more mens styled suit I am going to scream. She can afford to have Dior make her a maternity dress. Stop squeezing into normal clothes when it looks so unattractive!!!

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      Who the heck would want to wear a suit anyway? Unless that suit is made out of sweatpant material…

  2. I heart you so much. SO. MUCH.

  3. Tganks for saying what I would have expected to hear from all the fashion media.

  4. I just hope she demonstrates a little motherly love when the baby is born. Her whole life has been strictly about herself. It will be curious to see if she can actually provide with a parent’s love, or just treat it like a obligatory toy.

    • Martinis and Minivans says:

      I’m sure she’ll pay attention to it when it takes her blackberry and tries to flush it down the toilet.

  5. Haha! This is hilarious! And so true!

  6. Sooooo true! In a world where she has so much more than everyone else, you’d think she’d be all over a shopping spree for some new clothes! Just so the paparazzi could snap some pictures of her, and she’d gain yet another unneccessary 15 minutes of fame.

    But let’s face it, that whole Karadashian clan is nothing but cray-cray.

  7. Damn. And here I thought I was going to be able to get away with skin-tight, show-everything clothing during my next pregnancy. Thanks for setting me straight 😉

  8. Seriously! If she’s so into fashion, why is she making EVERY DAMN ONE OF HER DESIGNER friends CRINGE as she contorts their styles into hideous silhouette’s? She could promote all of the wonderful maternity designers out there instead- but then the ta-ta’s wouldn’t show, and THAT is not an option. God save the child.

  9. I can’t believe her sisters haven’t been all over her telling her that very thing. She is looking a little….skanky. I hope she accepts your letter in the spirit in which it was written!!

    Penny at Green Moms and Kids

  10. Hahahaha!!! Thank you for going there. She drove me crazy before she was pregnant…and it’s even worse now that she’s “expanding” her family. (pun intended) Fantastic post!

  11. Thank you as it is time someone said something to her. I just hope she reads it and does it.

  12. Amen sistah! I’ve been thinking the same thing about Kim K. Your posts are hilarious

  13. hahahahaha! I have thought the same thing seeing her in mesh and leather. I am pregnant right now and rocking ever stylish leggings and cotton EVERYTHING!

  14. Every celebrity has wardrobe malfunctions but ever since she’s been pregnant she has been a walking wardrobe malfunction. I agree!

  15. Bravo! She does need to be wary of a nip slip. Cover those things up before one pops out and puts her eye out!
    Visiting from Finding the Funny!

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